“There are approximately four thousand six hundred and thirty seven leaves in your front yard right now.”
“Shut up, Earle” I said. I was raking leaves during a nice fall afternoon when Earle decided to come over for a chat. He could afford to be lazy—his lawn was spotless.
“Well that's only in the first canon of your yard.”
“The first what?” I asked.
“The fist canon. You know, like how they flags are divided into for sections, or canons. The US flag has the white stars and blue background as it's first canon.”
“I always thought we divided them up by country. Or maybe continents.”
“No, they use canons. And just like flags, what is in each canon has meaning.” Earle continued excitedly. “The lawn is divided into four squares, which each one representing four aspects of the home behind it.”
“They have meaning? So what's the significance of this one here?” I pointed to the corner we were standing upon.
“This is the first canon. It's the most important part of the lawn. It shows the thing that is closest to the home and family's heart. Since you have a plum tree here, I'd say that you value life and nurturing.”
“There's also a hornet's nest. What does that mean?”
He ignored me as another leaf floated down. “Four thousand six hundred thirty nine now.”
“What about them?” I asked, pointing to the house across the street where the breeder family lived.
”They have that chart promoting Jacob's potty training status in their first canon. It means that family is their primary function. Or maybe it just means that they're main guidance is the elimination of their children”
“I guess the fact they have six kids and one more on the way also shows that.” I said. “What about their second canon?”
“The second canon represents purity. They shouldn't have anything in there. The fact that it's got a couple of random toys there indicates that the household isn't concerned with their own purity.”
“And the third canon?” I asked. It was adorned with several political signs.
“That's how they want the community to see them. They're saying that they want to work for the community through political means.”
I looked at the collection of signs. They had five—including two different candidates for the same office and one out of district sign. “Looks like they just want people to think they're confused. What about the forth canon?”
“Ahh, that's another important one. It's the opposite of the first canon, both physically and abstractly. It should show the opposite of spiritualist … kind of like a feeling in your bowels.”
“Bowels? Don't you mean guts? Like a gut feeling?”
“Yes, that's it.” He looked across the street at the forth canon. It was bare except for a small sign warning the casual passerby that the lawn had catered by a local lawn maintenance company and that some people might have a reaction. It even included a skull and crossbones. “What do you suppose they mean by that?” Earle asked.
“Better living through chemicals.” I said.